I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
