Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
