I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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