oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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