Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
