Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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