Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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