terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
