I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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