laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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