Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
