Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
