just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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