Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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