in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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