why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
