This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
tequila makes me forget i have legs
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
