i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
