I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
