hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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