Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize