It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize