Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
