finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
