I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
