in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Come see our sink grown plant.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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