we have pet lesbian snakes
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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