Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
