So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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