i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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