I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
