You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
