dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
