Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
