Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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