then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
