There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
