I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Randomize
