I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Shame is for Republicans.
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