ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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