People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Girls should come with a carfax report
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
