just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize