I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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