he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so let's talk penis.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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