I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
