Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
