I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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