I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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