Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How external is "for external use only"?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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