I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
