so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize