I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
