They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
