sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
