so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
did i just pee glitter
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
