i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
