I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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