I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
