I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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