Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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