Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
