Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize