At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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