this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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