I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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