Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
