I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Drunk is a universal language darling
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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