I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
