That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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