@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Life is so much better after having sex.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
