why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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