Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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