So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
