the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
