All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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