Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
