Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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