Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize