I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
