So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
