i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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