32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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