this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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