the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
