i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
