Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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