Soap is not a condiment
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
