Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
