I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
