So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
