wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
