Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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