My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Randomize
