1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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