I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
