They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
