is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
