At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
