Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
