I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
