Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize