i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
