there was a trapeze. enough said
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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