she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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